You Want Me to do What, Lord?

It was around August 2013 and I found myself on my hands and knees in my living room floor crying to the Lord telling him I needed him in my family. I needed his guidance, I needed him to bring my husband and I together on the same path spiritually. I needed help along this journey called motherhood. and I needed him to be the center of my family. I needed help in raising two daughters to be women after his heart. I was broken, and I could't bear this burden alone. I was tired and weary. He gave me a verse during that moment. I didn't understand all of it at first, but I understood enough to know that God was about to do something in my family. We were going to be rebuilt. (Notice that there were lots of jewels mentioned... perfect verse for a jewelry lady!) "O afflicted city, lashed by storms and not comforted, I will build you with stones of turquoise, your foundations with sapphires. I will make your battlements of rubies, your gates of sparkling jewels, and all your walls of precious stones. All your sons will be taught by the Lord, and great will be your children's peace." Isaiah 54:11 I picked myself up off the floor. gathered myself together, and went on into the day waiting to see where the Lord would take us. Then...nothing... as in nothing happened! Hello, Lord didn't you just tell me something was going to change...where is the great reveal here? I'm waiting! (Which by the way I'm not very good at this patiently waiting thing, just ask my husband) Now it's October, and I was invited to go to a women's retreat. It was way out of my comfort zone, but I went because I knew I would hear from the Lord. What I heard totally caught me off guard! During one of the sessions I heard a small voice inside my spirit talk about homeschooling. Say What??? Ugh no, that's not for me, I must have totally misunderstood that. I'll just push that to the back of my mind and pretend that never happened! I went on for the next two weeks pretending that I didn't just hear the Lord tell me to homeschool my kids! However, the Lord wouldn't let up and he kept pressing on my heart to entertain this idea. I didn't know what to do, so I called my best friend who homeschooled to seek council. She told me I had to tell my husband. As I drove home I was so nervous. I kept thinking he is going to think I'm completely nuts. How do I even present this to him? "Hey babe, I picked up the milk and oh, by the way, I think the Lord wants us to homeschool." This wasn't going to be an easy discussion because there was no reason for us to make this move. Our public school experience was wonderful. Why would we need to make this change? So I sat down while the kids were out of the room and spilled it. He was stunned and confused, as I still was, and I had two weeks to think about it! I just looked at him and said, "You know this had to come from the Lord, because I've never wanted to do this!" We agreed we should at least look into the idea to help determine if this was really from the Lord or if I had totally lost my mind. I then had to tell Addyson (my oldest daughter) what I felt we were called to do. To my surprise she was very excited, so that gave me hope. The next month I found a co-op (a group of homeschool families who meet once a week) in our town and asked to observe. I just knew that once I left there I would know for certain if this was what we were supposed to do. The meeting went well, Addyson had fun doing the actvites, but I just sat there thinking "This is not for me. I don't belong here." There wasn't a light bulb that went off, there wasn't a banner that flew by, there was absolutely nothing. I was still as confused as when I walked in the door. I was angry. I was livid. I marched in my bedroom when we got home and yelled at God. "Why, are you doing this? Why are you turning our lives upside down? There is no reason for us to do this, it doesn't make sense!" I just sat on my floor in a puddle of my own tears. I was lost and I couldn't hear from the Lord. He was silent. During those times when I can't hear, I rely on my husband. I ask God to speak to me through Chris. It always works. Chris felt like we should put on the brakes to give us some breathing room. It was what we needed. Everything was happening to fast, and I was starting to panic. I asked God to not let this issue go to the back burner if this is really what he wanted for us. Around spring of 2014 our youth pastor preached for our pastor, and the basis of his sermon was "why settle for good when God has called us to great!" There it was, my sign, light bulb, banner in the sky, my revelation that I was waiting on. I knew at that moment we needed to homeshool. Our public school experience was our "good" but for whatever reason God was calling us to "great". Now, let me get real here for a moment. Just because I knew God was asking us to do this didn't mean I was excited about it. I felt so inadequate, I didn't tell many people because I knew they were going to give me all the reasons why this was a dumb idea. You know,... my kids wouldn't be socialized, how will I know if they are learning, you won't have any time to yourself, you'll go crazy being with your kids all day. I wanted to scream. "I know! I worry about that too!" I did worry if I could manage all of this. I was scared out of my mind! We were in the car a few week after we had made the decision to homeschool and my daughter asked, "Mom, why are we doing this?" to which I replied "I don't know. All I know is God as has asked me to do this and I'd rather be obedient and scared then disobedient all together." That is what I held on to until we started and what I still cling to today. Now, here we are 7 months in to our homeschooling experience and it's good. No, it's our "GREAT". The first week we started school there was a harmony in our home that hadn't ever been there before. That is the peace that comes from walking in the will of God. It felt awesome. My hope for our homeschool experience is that my girls know the Lord in a very real way. Not just a knowledge of him, but a real intimate relationship with him. Yes, I want Addy to learn division, write essays, and soar on the ACT. Of course I want Ava to read and write, but before all of that I want my daughters to know that being obedient to the call God has on your life is good and it's worth it! This journey we're on is not one I planned or ever saw coming, and I still battle with insecurities or not taking offense to peoples' judgment about our decision. On those days I go back to Isaiah 54:11 and know the Lord is rebuilding my city, and he is teaching my children and there will be a peace. Our journey isn't for everyone but it's perfect for us right now. Sister, whatever is God is asking of you, don't settle for the good that you have but seek the great that he has for you. Will it be hard? Yes, I bet it will. Will it be scary? Probably. Will it be worth it? I can say without a shadow of doubt YES! "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 ​​ Stand firm Sister. Even if you have to be scared, be obedient to his call. He'll understand and he's waiting to hold your hand and calm your fears. I promise he'll walk right beside you. He has for me. From a sister who's on the other side, I can tell you it's worth the journey.

Cheramy is a homeschooling mom to two spunky girls. She loves Jesus, her husband, and selling Premier Designs jewelry. Follow her blog at https://jesusandjewelry.wordpress.com

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